A TRIBUTE TO MY SON

DR. JOHN R. HOWELL

This is wrong, I should not be writing this to you, my son. This is backwards. I should have a tribute written to me from you this is the norm. I want to tell you a few things about yourself. You were a surprise: you arrived after we thought we already had our family. We were blessed with Mark and James, your two brothers, and Teresa, your sister. God blessed us again; you were born January 17, 1973. You had the distinction of being the first baby born at the Piggott Hospital in 1973. Your picture was in the local newspaper. The next year a follow up story was printed in the newspaper titled "He's a big boy now". The first time I looked at you I knew you were special, we all did.

Mark was the oldest, James three years younger than Mark, Teresa two years younger than James. Then you came along six years after Teresa. They all had a special gift to love, a baby brother. They really enjoyed playing with you. I remember you sitting in your pumpkin seat. The first stop your brothers and sister would make after school would be to see how you were. They would all gather in front of the T.V. then I would sit you down in that pumpkin seat right in the middle and they would play with you while I would prepare supper. John you continued to be a joy to all of us. We spoiled you.

A family picture had been made before you were born. When you were about three years old you would look at that picture and ask where am I. Try explaining to a three-year-old why he is not in the family picture. Needless to say we had another picture made which included you.

John you started to school. At the age of nine you were saved and baptized, joining New Hope Baptist church. I remember you would take your Bible, I didn't know how much you read, but you slept with that Bible under your pillow for several years. As you continued to grow up the bond with your brothers and sister got stronger. Your sister was a little Mother to you taking care of you. You were like a little baby doll to her. I remember your brothers teasing you at Christmas. Mark would say to you I hear Santa on the roof. James would join in and say yes, I do too he's out there. They would tell you to listen and see if you could hear him. James or Mark would make a noise to make you think Santa really was outside with his sleigh and reindeer. Mark graduated from high school and decided to start his future by going to riverboat school. You were devastated you were losing your buddy. Mark and his cousin Steve left, you cried and cried you thought your brother wouldn't come back. Mark left one day, the next day we got a call to come to Corning and pick him up at the bus station. Mark was very unhappy he didn't pass the physical. You were very happy you had your buddy back. When James was old enough to work and make his own spending money. James loved to lie in front of the T.V. eat ice cream and watch his shows. He would work, make a little spending money, go to Pollard and buy a gallon of ice cream not a quart or a cone, but a gallon. James had a spot wore out on my carpet where he lay and watched T.V. that was his spot. John, you would want some of that ice cream, but James didn't want to share with you. He had made the money to buy that ice cream and it was his. Keep in mind your brother was only 11 or 12 and you were just a pesky little brother to him. That changed, as you grew older. We finally told James, if you bring the ice cream home you have to share with your brother.

 As you continued to go to school you played baseball, football, mowed yards, hauled hay and started to work at Country Mart, now you could buy your own ice cream. You graduated in 1991. You had the honor of being your class president. What were you to do with rest of your life? You didn't really like school, so you went to work for your brother, Mark washing and detailing cars. After a while you decided to go to work for D& G Plumbing. You sure learned your lesson quickly; crawling under houses and digging ditches. You decided there must be something better out there.

You decided to go to college. After looking at several career choices. You told me you prayed about it and thought Chiropractic would be a good career choice and felt as if God was leading you to take courses to prepare you for this. You attended Three Rivers Community College than went to ASU until you had enough credits to attend Chiropractic College. Raymond and Sandy Dismukes were very good to you; they allowed you to work the hours you needed to go to school. You lived at home during this time and drove to Poplar Bluff then to Jonesboro.

You had to move to St. Louis to attend Logan College of Chiropractic. You got married, left home for the first time and started to school all in the same month. These were all your choices, but you missed your family connection. You would call us often. You and Teresa talked almost every night. We all encouraged you. While you were in school you won two scholarships by writing an essay. We were so proud of you. You were counting the days when school would be out. You didn't know where you were going to set up your practice. We all wanted you to come to Piggott, after considering several locations. It was decided to open an office in Piggott and that Teresa would be your office manager. We were all excited to have you back home. There were several challenges trying to get everything set up in your practice, but it came together. You and Teresa worked together side by side for over three years. The bond between you grew stronger every day. We were blessed as a family. Your Dad and I saw each of our four children almost every day. If we didn't see each other we would get on the phone and call. All of us would drop by your office if we wanted to see or had something to talk about. You adjusted each of us, especially your Dad because of his bad back. We all came to depend on you. We were very proud of you, all of us. All our children are special to us, but you were our baby.

On March 7th we lost you. John WHY are we hurting so, WHY, WHY, WHY, you have been so close to each of us we saw you every day. The pressure on you must have weighed so heavy on your mind. We tried to tell you it would be O.K. We prayed for you, we talked to you; we thought you would be all right if we could just get you through D Day. You seemed fine that Friday. You took Teresa and me to lunch at Jo's. You were joking and carrying on with those in the restaurant. What happened, we will never know, your family would have done anything to help, you knew this WHY.

John, we are so mad at you. You made the choice to take yourself out of our family picture. Our family will never be complete again without you. We are all so hurt. In that moment in time that you took yourself out of our family picture, what were you thinking? You weren't thinking or we know you would have never put us through this pain. You had a special bond with all of us. We love you so WHY, WHY, WHY.

You cut your life short and robbed yourself and your loved ones, but we are so glad God blessed us with you. We have had thirty years with you, for which we are grateful. You will be in our hearts forever. If you were here you would see how much you were loved. I know you didn't realize just how much you had come to mean to the people in this area. Your patients as well as your family have suffered a great loss, if you doubt this look at your office door. It has been a comfort to us as a family to look at that blue door and see the love of your patients and friends. John you have been a great son and brother, none of your family would trade one moment of the 30 years we had together, except for the last moment. John we have to go on with our lives even though we long to be with you. God is good and we will see you again then you can tell us WHY.REST IN PEACE MY SON

P.S. As John's Mother I think the question of why has been answered to some degree. Hatred killed you my son. John had so much good in him, we have all seen it. This past year John has been searching. Why didn't we see it? Because you see, John had let hate take over. As John's Mother I confess it has been a problem for me too. May God forgive me? This hate has to stop NOW before it destroys others! The White family did not want John's death, I believe that. I pray this community will give up the angry feelings. The only way to misplace hate is to LOVE. I am no saint, but I can see this has to stop NOW for the good of my family, the White family and the community. I pray that you will agree with me so we can see the light of day!